1. DJ Earworm Mashup- United state of pop 2011 (World Go boom) –[had to get this off of youtube and convert it to MP3]

2.Whip It — Nicki Minaj

3. Go — santigold feat Karen O.

4. Va Va Voom — Nicki Minaj

5. Back in Time — Pitbull

6. Lightning — the wanted

7. Walk on Water — basshunter

8. Automatic — Nicki Minaj

9. Earthquakey People — Steve Aoki

10. No beef — Steve Aoki

11. Ladi Dad- Steve Aoki

12. Swagger Jagger– Cher lloyd

13. Middle Finger — Cobra Starship

14. As we enter — Nas & damien Marley

15. Lupe Fiasco — I don’t wanna care right now

16. Antelope — the dirty heads

17. Morning light — the dirty heads

18. I’ll fly with you –DJ Ibiza

19. Dog Days are over — Florence + the machine

20. Yeah Yeah Yeah — New Politics

21. Home –Edward sharpe and magnetic zeros ( not really a running song, but is to me haha)

22. Greyhound — swedish house mafia

23. Lux Aeterna –Clint Mansell

24. I am Skrillex –Skrillex

25. Strange clouds — B.O.B

26. So So — B.O.B

27. Not your Fault –Awolnation

28. The creep–The lonely Island ( yep. serious)

I also used to run to a lot of David Guetta and Pitbull.

You can find some of these on youtube and just convert them to MP3 online.

The other thing this week that made me question who the heck I was, was when my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday in 2 weeks. I thought for about 5 seconds, and responded with “registration to the Disney marathon” (Yes, doing it again and SOOO EXCITED). The funny thing is that two years ago, before I ever really started running, One of my co workers said that for christmas her parents bought her registration for the flying pig marathon that year. I remember thinking it was kind of stupid, and I’d much rather get clothes. Now look at me. It still amazes me how I have changed. I watch my first video and I don’t even feel like it’s me. I’m healthy, I’m strong, I’m confident, I’m a runner. That girl is   just the past.

For one, I am playing soccer again this thursday for the first time since I was 18 (I’ll be 23 in 2 weeks!). I fractured my heel that year, and was really burned out, and just stopped playing. By the time I wanted to play again, I was about 195 pounds and just couldn’t do it. I was too self conscious because I knew I was going to suck, but even worse, I was going to be that fat girl that sucked. I would just picture the things that the other players would be thinking –that I was fat, and slow, and horrible..and I talked myself right out of playing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to suck, but i’m not self conscious about it anymore. Now I’m just going to be that girl in the neon that sucks. You always hear on weight loss commercials people saying “my weight was holding me back”. I never really felt like that, or at least realized it, until now. My weight was holding me back, but it’s not anymore. I used to love soccer, I played year round from age 11-18, and I’m so excited that I have the confidence to play again.

Another area I have noticed a drastic change in my confidence is with my job. I just moved and started a new job, and I just think about how different I am with it than my first job out of college at 195 pounds. Of course some of the confidence comes from experience and working for almost 3 years, but my weight has played an impact. I am a physical therapist assistant, so I treat patients. I teach them exercise, I make them programs, etc. When I first started working I was really quiet with people, and just felt like I lacked a lot of confidence. One reason was because as I gave them exercises to do, I felt as though they would think things like ” how are you going to teach me exercise, you don’t look like you exercise.” I obviously don’t feel like that anymore, and I feel like since I have gotten healthy I am much more respected. Many of my patients know I workout like crazy,  and have run a marathon, or they can see that I’m fit and will specifically come to me with questions. On top of that, all the bicep curls have really helped with transferring the 300+ pound patients :p

Those are just two of the recent things I have noticed, but I have really had in increase in my confidence everywhere. People tell me that I just walk with more confidence than I used to, I don’t go out thinking people are looking at me and saying things, I can put on clothes and feel fine and not try to do whatever I can to make myself look thinner. I don’t go to the gym and think people are staring at me because I am overweight. I used to be terrified of the free weight section. I thought it was just a bunch of big, attractive guys that would stand there and talk about me if I went near them. Even when I got the confidence to work out there, if a guy even started walking towards a machine I was on, I would practically jump off and let him have it. Now if someone comes towards me I pretty much shoot them bitch face, and if they ask to jump in on a set,  I tell them no, and that i’m almost done. Perhaps poor gym etiquette, but I really don’t care. I’m not afraid to try new things anymore. Whether it was because I felt like I didn’t have the fitness level, or was too overweight, neither of those things play a factor anymore.

Losing weight has changed so many aspects of my life that I haven’t even realized.  I am confident, healthy, strong, and happy every single day that I decided change my lifestyle

I for the most part stay away from personal trainers and have not used one during my weight loss for a few reasons. First off, I know what I’m doing. I’m a physical therapist assistant. For those that don’t know, that doesn’t mean an aide or a tech. I give the patients exercises, I treat them, I make them exercise plans. I know muscles, and I know exercise. Secondly, it’s expensive. I’m already paying for a gym membership, and training sessions are usually at least $35/session. The last reason is that a lot of them just don’t work me hard enough.

Well, I was at the gym a few weeks ago and one of the trainers was bored and asked if I wanted to work out. I said sure, whatever. Well, he destroyed me. Probably one of the greatest workouts I have ever had. We did a bunch of new things (which I needed) and we didn’t just go machine to machine, he did things that I couldn’t do on my own (hopefully that doesn’t sound too dirty :p) . After thinking about it, I decided I really do need to change up my weight training routine. I do try to switch things up a little, but with him it was like a 180. So I ask him if he will train me.

We meet for a session and he measures me and we do some exercise. He got a little bit touchy at times, but he’s a trainer..he has to, right? Well later that night we are texting about working out and he tells me to send him flexing pictures from the front and back.

I okay, whatever. I send people pictures like that all the time. I send him this picture. yeah I am not wearing a bra, but it’s just to show my back muscles. and then I send one on my phone in a sports bra, just like this, but from the front. I say “not a very good picture lol” referring to my face. He tells me that he needs a better picture to really see. He needs one from my stomach to my shoulders just like my back picture, no bra. I laugh, really thinking he is kidding. He’s not. I tell him I have a sports bra with thinner straps but I’m not sending him one topless. his response ? “you should be proud of your accomplishments. We r grown. I’ll send the same one” WHAAT? So many things wrong there.

1. my boobs are not an accomplishment.

2. who cares if we are grown. You can see my muscles well enough with a bra on

3. you’re sending the same one? You are a man! You don’t have boobs! did he really just try to say that?

He then proceeds to tell me that I can trust him and anything we talk about or do is confidential.

At this point I feel like any professionalism is out the window, every line has been crossed, I feel uncomfortable, it’s awkward, and I just don’t even want to go to that gym and see him at all. I haven’t scheduled any more training with him and have no intentions to. I have had another trainer get a little too flirty with me before and make me feel really awkward, but this was on an entirely new level.

I’m just going to revamp my routine myself, because I am not dealing with that. It makes me wonder how many trainers are like this. This is the second one that has just made me feel really uncomfortable. If you have a trainer that makes you feel weird and uncomfortable, I wouldn’t accept it and say “oh, he’s my trainer so it’s okay”

So there is my rant for the day. I will try to make inspiring blogs more often, I just needed to get that out :p

Size 8, but too short over my butt

ready to shred

don't judge my running form, this is 26.17 miles